Monday, July 29, 2013

It's NOT You, It's Me

It's hard to believe that we are already nearing the last days of summer! Or at least of summer vacation. Having survived the past week of VBS, Fashionista has begun her last week of 5-day clubs for the summer. I'm frantically trying to pull together lesson plans in preparation for the looming school year. I knew this summer was going to be a whirlwind but I did not expect it to take the kind of toll on me that it has.

It seems that especially lately I'm finding myself feeling more ASPIE than normal. (For an explanation of what Aspie is you may want to read my former post, Hi, I'm Dee and I have Asperger's Syndrome) I'm feeling like I just want to climb up into myself and shut the rest of the world out. Perhaps this is a result of being forced out of my house and into the presence of people all summer long, which is something that I find absolutely exhausting. I think this weekend was the first time all summer that I was allowed to stay home and not have to go anywhere.

I guess I'm feeling depleted of I'm not even sure what. Opportunities for inner contemplation? That thing that I have to tap into which allows me to be social despite how unnaturally that comes to me? Whatever it is, I'm feeling totally drained of it. Even talking on the phone is feeling like a gigantic chore to me. 

Hopefully, the cessation of 5-day clubs and getting back into a school routine which will not require me to be out of the house and around people so much will help my Aspieness to retreat. In the meantime, I'm sorry to all of you who have been feeling like I'm mad at you for some reason. Try to remember that it's not you, it's me.


Joy Capps said...

I totally understand those feelings. I'm not an aspie (that I know of) but goodness I can empathize with my friends that are! I function best when I have a set amount of alone time. I'm easily overstimulated.When we are out and about consistently my head gets all spinny.

We are about to start our first week back to school and I'm trying not to over schedule our time outside of of home. Such a balancing act!

Dee said...

I wish more people understood! Actually, maybe it's better that they don't. It would be a scary world if we were ALL like this! LOL