Delving into My Aspieness

I just found this blog written by an autism specialist named Tania Marshall. In this particular post she lists the First Signs of Asperger Syndrome in Young Girls Pre-school. I was so tempted to reproduce her list and make my comments here. However, that is illegal (called plagiarism) and that is also the lazy way.

I did recognize a LOT of myself in her list but not in every item. People who knew me when I was that age may look at this same list and say, "Oh, yeah, she did that for sure!" to something that I simply don't remember doing. I mean, how many of us really remember our preschool years??

I will comment on some of the things on her list which I most strongly identify with:

• Sensory Sensitivities: I've always had issues with this. I remember when I was in elementary school I had to have MY special pillow and pillow case. The pillow case was extra soft (made from a gunny sack, if there is anyone out there who remembers what those were!) I would NOT accept any other. I still have have to have MY pillow. This is just one small example out of many sensory issues I have.
• Speech: My mother had me in speech therapy when I was in elementary school. I used to insist on my own "special" pronunciation of words like "Belbow" for elbow.
• Hyperlexia: When I was learning to read in 1st grade, I was SO excited about it that I came home every day and taught my little sister (13 months younger than me) what I'd learned that day. She was reading on a 2nd grade level by the time she hit Kindergarden and I had been her teacher!
• Play: In the lower elementary years, I remember trying to play with the girls my age and being frustrated because they didn't want to play the way I wanted to. So I played with the boys instead and had a grand time pretending rocks were cars on that old rock retaining wall.
• Appearance and clothing: Those who attended school with me from 1st through 12th can attest to the fact that I had my very own sense of style. Maybe it's the fact that I'd attended school with these same kids for so many years that I didn't get teased even more about that than I did.
• Imagination: I was an AVID reader as a girl. I often read and enjoyed books many grade levels over my own.
• Writing: I was intensely interested in writing and wrote many of my own stories. I'm sure I would have written much more had I had the luxury of using a computer instead of my spiral notebooks and pencil.
• Determination: Oh, my gosh!! Do I fit this one to a tee!! I am still one of the most stubborn and competitive people you will meet.
• Attention Issues: I spent the majority of my childhood hanging out in my own world. All the way up into my college years, I had a rich fantasy life in my mind and preferred to spend time there rather than in the real world.
• Hyperempathy: I still struggle with this one. I can get choked up over the craziest things.

Add to these things the general social awkwardness that always accompanies the aspie and it is a wonder to me that I was never diagnosed. I have absolutely no doubt that I am an aspie and don't feel the need as an adult to be diagnosed. I would sure love to get feedback from people who knew me as a kid on the list I mentioned in the beginning of this post.

Eeek!! I'm a microwave Christian!!

Like so many people my age, I am a certain product of my generation. We are the generation that saw the microwave enter nearly every American home. We are the generation of "I want it all and I want it NOW!" Remember that song?? 

I see this in several areas of my life. My weight loss for sure! Who of us doesn't want to see the weight come off overnight? Even as much as I tell myself that is not healthy even if I could find a way to make it happen, I STILL want it to happen that way. Even worse, I still get discouraged when the weight doesn't come off as quickly as I'd like to see.

I see it in my parenting. I want to be able to tell my kids how things are supposed to be and have them follow and obey without question. Anyone who has kids (especially teenagers) knows this is NOT how it happens. You have to train them and correct them, then train them and then correct them again. At times it feels like they are never going to get it. But we have to stick with it and they don't become well adjusted, with a good work ethic, high morals and great character over night. It takes years of patient parenting to get to that point.

I realized this past week that I see it in my running too. It's hard for me to slow down and build up to faster speeds and greater endurance because "I want it all, and I want it now!" On ever run I go for now, I remind have to myself to take it slow and steady. I'm going to have to crochet myself a tiny turtle to take on my runs to remind myself of this. Again, it's the patient building of muscles and endurance through many practice runs. This takes time.

I also see it in my prayer life. I've been wanting to learn to pray more effectively and not be so bored in prayer and not have my mind wander as it tends to when I'm trying to converse with Jesus. I got discouraged when I tried to pray the way Daniel Henderson outlines Worship based prayer. 

What I think I failed to recognize is that much like my running, I am in prayer training. It's going to take patient building of my prayer 'muscles and endurance'. That is of course assuming that I'm going into prayer with the correct motivations and with a clean heart before my Lord. But that is a totally different discussion.

So basically the Lord is teaching me to slow down and listen for HIS leading instead of running off half cocked barely having any idea what direction I'm even going.

I have not wanted to post to this because we have had such a tough time staying consistent to doing school the last couple of months. I prefer for my posts to be uplifting and encouraging, however I also desire to be real and transparent. It's not always easy to find that balance. I'll just share what God has been doing in me over the past couple of months.

I shared about my second fall and messing up my knee two posts ago. To make a long story short, I bruised my kneecap which means that it will be a long time before it feel normal again. In the meantime, I've been allowed to go back to running. Praise God!! I am doing my best to take it slowly and not push myself too hard, too fast.

So I'd been back to running for two weeks when my hubby came home feeling like he was coming down with a cold on a Thursday. All that night he ran a temperature and stayed home Friday from work. By Saturday, I was beginning to feel like I was coming down with it too. By Sunday I was running a temperature as well. Went to the doctor on Monday and was told that I had an upper respiratory infection. I wasn't the only one who came down with MyHero's cold. All 3 kids came down with it as well. Even the dog was sneezing! We spent the week of Thanksgiving hunkered down and quarantined from the rest of the world. Praise God that my hubby already had the week off. He had asked for it off months before.

Due to all the sickness and perhaps from just being so inactive, I've been fighting depression again. The enemy tries to tell me that I'm a terrible mom and that I'm failing at homeschooling my kids. Never mind the fact that we've been sick and that I had scheduled this week off from school! I refused to give in to the lies and kept reminding myself of the truth.

This morning is Sunday and I was home sick with sick kids. I listened to our church service live via internet connection. I was so glad that I did! One of the things the speaker discussed was fighting depression and how we can choose to praise and be thankful instead of believing the lies.

Another thing that God has been impressing on my heart is to spend more of my time seeking Him. I want to seek for Him as for hidden treasure. I want to seek for Him as for the thing that is going to save my life. "As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God." Psalm 42

The way that is walking out for me is by listening to all the recorded sermons from Genesis to Revelation from our church. I must confess that since I've been sick I haven't been very consistent with this. I think the enemy of my soul recognizes that I'm on a path to blessing from the Lord and doesn't want that for me.

Yet another thing the Lord has been laying on my heart is a desire to see unbelievers come to know Him. I want to be used to bring them to Jesus. As a stay at home, homeschool mom I don't get many opportunities for that. However, I do have this blog and I have my Facebook. Therefore, I'm recommissioning this blog to the purpose of sharing what God chooses to teach me through His Word. I pray that this will be used to bring others to Him!